I know that I am precious to the Lord and that He is overseeing my life, but sometimes it's hard to believe that He has a plan bigger than that one I can see.
"But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefor if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel of honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for ever good work." - 2 Timothy 2:20-21
Some of my friends have gotten married and are having children. I've enjoyed seeing their wedding pictures and watching their families grow. I devour the Christmas emails and I laugh at the cute online videos.
When I see the happiness of the blissfully married, I sometimes yearn for what they have. And why shouldn't I? Their covenant is an earthly picture of the unity between Christ and the church. I am created to recognize the beauty in that.
Perhaps this is the reason that even though I know I am created in God's image as much as anyone, on some level, I feel like less of a person because I'm single. Why else would I feel like changing the topic when people start asking me I am not yet married? Or feel like I have nothing to contribute to all the mommy talk conversations?
Reconciling the call God has on my life with what He is doing in the lives of other can be difficult. And when feelings of inferiority creep in, especially regarding my spiritual life, it makes matters worse.
This is one reason I believe the church has sought to elevate singleness in recent years. Some have used Paul's word in 1 Corinthians 7:8 to make a case for singleness being desirable and even preferable to marriage - "a gift". Those who promote this view may not actually be trying to say that singleness is superior to marriage, but rather establish that singles are equally valuable to God.
We live in a culture in which marrying well is a challenge. Many Christian singles would love to be married, but though they desire marriage, and are praying and preparing for it, it simply has not happened.
While I believe that God's opinion of me is not wrapped up in my marital status, I sometimes receive these messages from those around me. One that is particularly insidious says that a spiritual deficiency of which I am unaware or a lack of God's favor or direction in my life is keeping me single. In other words: If I were holier, I'd me married by now.
That is why I find those verses from 2 Timothy so encouraging. How wonderful to hear God telling me that He has a plan and purpose behind my singleness - especially in my commitment to purity. In His eyes, my single years are not a waste.
Much of the talk on singleness todays seems to either devalue marriage or over-value it. We live in a culture that is hostile towards marriage. TV alone could convince you matrimony is a losing proposition. But that is not God's view: He established marriage to meet humanity's basic need for companionship and intimacy, and, as such, it is His intention for most people.
At the same time, we know that marriage isn't the answer to our deepest longing for communion. Plenty of married couples would tell you some of their loneliest moments have occurred since they tied the knot. At their deepest level, all humans long for communion with Christ. So how can we adopt a balanced view of God's intention for marriage and singleness?
First we must realize that God's will for people isn't dependent on marital status. But faithful and chaste singleness proclaims God. Marriage is an earthy reflection of the union with Christ and other believers awaiting us in heaven. Celibate singleness declares that ultimate union by forgoing sexual union on earth for a season - or, in special cases, for a lifetime.
Ephesians 5:25-27 says: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish."
By loving their spouses devotedly, married men and women demonstrate on a small scale Christ's love for the church. And by keeping themselves pure, singles express the significance of Christ's coming union with His church (a moment fraught with such greatness that the trials of denying the flesh in this life pale in comparison). In both states - singleness and marriage - a believer reflects Christ through a lifestyle of self-giving.
At this time, I do that by serving the people God has placed in my life- friends, the kids at my church, my classmates. In the future, I may fulfill this calling by serving a husband and children. Now I minister as an individual; in the future, I may minister through a family unit. In both states, my life testifies to God's miraculous plan as I pour it out for His use.
Let me offer some encouragement to those who have either remained virgins or committed themselves to a 'second virginity'. "True love waits" can ring a little hollow as time continues to pass and still no Prince Charming carries you into the sunset. Especially in a culture that places extreme value on sexual conquest and experimentation.
While my convictions are deeply set at this point, I won't say that David's words in Psalm 73:3 don't resonate with me: "Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain, And washed my hands in innocence."
Sometimes I feel like my commitment to sexual purity is a waste. That thinking is the result of living in a world that scorns purity and celebrates licentiousness. But the truth is God cherishes purity. And ultimately, I am not the one who has kept my heart pure; through His Spirit, the Lord has preserved it as a testimony to Himself. This is a high calling. Purity in singleness is a special offering to the Lord.
Yes, sexual purity will set you apart. But set apart (which is the meaning of the word holy) is what God calls us to be (1 Peter 1:15-16). I am reminded of the 10 virgins in Matthew 25. Five of them waited with their lamps full of oil. Their preparedness was a testimony to their desire for the coming bridegroom and their faith that he would actually come.
I have been reminded of my high calling. There have been times when I have felt dissatisfied with my current position in life. Sometimes I wonder if God is really ordering my steps.
I think singles must feel more acutely than most that we are "sojourners and pilgrims" in this world (1 Peter 2:11). The thing is, all people long for something more because this earth is not our true home.
And so the gap between single and married is not so wide after all. All of us wait eagerly for our ultimate union with our heavenly Bridegroom. And as we live faithfully - single or married - our very lives proclaim Christ to the world.
