"We may behold Him as in a mirror" - John Calvin

"Paul calls the Son the 'image of the invisible God', meaning by this, that it is in Him alone that God, who is otherwise invisible, is manifested to us, in accordance with what is said in John 1:18, 'No man hath ever seen God: the only begotten Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, hath Himself manifested Him to us.'

For Christ is called the image of God on this ground - that He makes God in a manner visible to us. The sum is this - that God in Himself, that is, in His naked majesty, is invisible, and that not to the eyes of the body merely, but also to the understandings of men, and that He is revealed to us in Christ alone, that we may behold Him as in a mirror.

For in Christ He shows us His righteousness, goodness, wisdom, power, in short, His entire self. We must, therefore, beware of seeking Him elsewhere, for everything that would set itself off as a representation of God, apart from Christ, will be an idol."

- John Calvin

The Perfect Man

All through childhood and my early-mid teens, I was never interested in boys. I don't know why... All the other girls my age had 'crushes' and love interests, but I remained unattached and (for the most part) uninterested.
Many of my friends and family will remember those days. How I solemly vowed never to marry, and never to provide my parents with grandkids (much to their dismay). I wanted to run away to a distant country and be 'free' forever. It wasn't until I met Zach, my fiance (and my first and only boyfriend), that I actually started to make different plans for myself... ones that included someone else.

Up until Zach and I began to consider marriage, I'd never considered what to look for in a future spouse. At some point, early on in my Christian-hood, I heard someone say I should never be "unequally yoked". I've always kept that in mind - Christian + NonChristian = bad, but I never thought about it further... I saw no need!

Voddie Bauchman, a man who grew up surrounded by divorce, remarriage, more divorce, illegitimacy, and more, has much to say in his book, What He Must Be... If He Wants to Marry My Daughter, about choosing a mate.
Bauchman takes his cues about lousy husbands (and fathers) from his own life experience. His cues about excellence in these areas come from Scripture. He writes:

I believe God has spoken rather decisively in His Word about what our daughters should look for. Moreover, I believe there are some non-negotiables that our daughters must be looking for. There are some things a man simply must be before he is qualified to assume the role of a Christian husband.

Given the sky-high divorce rate among believers, knowing what those things are before you fall in love seems like a good idea.

He continues:

For instance, he must be a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14); he must be committed to biblical headship (Ephesians 5:23ff); he must welcome children (Psalm 127:3-5); he must be a suitable priest (Joshua 24:15), prophet (Ephesians 6:4), protector (Nehemiah 4:13-14), and provider (1 Timothy 5:8, Titus 2:5).

A man who does not possess - or at least show strong signs of - these and other basic characteristics does not meet the basic job description laid down for husbands in the Bible.

Albert Mohler askes the question, "When does a boy become man?". Surely there is more to it than biology and chronological age. As defined by the Bible, manhood is a funtional reality, demonstrated in a man's fulfillment of responsibility and leadership. Dr. Mohler suggests thirteen marks of biblical manhood. The achievement of these vital qualities, he says, mark the emergence of a man who will demonstrate true biblical masculinity.

The following are those 13 marks of biblical manhood (edited to be more concise by me):

1. Spiritual maturity sufficient to lead a wife and children.

The Bible is clear about a man's responsibility to exercise spiritual maturity and spiritual leadership. Of course, this spiritual maturity takes time to develop, and it is a gift of the Holy Spirit working within the life of the believer. The disciplines of the Christian life, including prayer and serious Bible study, are among the means God uses to mold a boy into a man and to bring spiritual maturity into the life of the one who is charged to lead a wife and family.

This spiritual leadership is central to the Christian vision if marriage and family life. A man's spiritual leadership is not a matter of dictatorial power, but of firm and credible spiritual leadership and influence. A man must be ready to lead his wife and his children in a way that will honor God, demonstrate godliness, inculcate Christian character and lead his family to desire Christ and to seek God's glory.

Spiritual maturity is a mark of true Christian manhood, and a spiritually immature man is, in at least this crucial sense, spiritually just a boy.

2. Personal maturity sufficient to be a responsible husband and father.

True masculinity is not a matter of exhibiting supposedly masculine characteristics devoid of the context of responsibility. In the Bible, a man is called to fulfill his role as husband and father. Unless granted the gift of celibacy for gospel service, the Christian boy is to aim for marriage and fatherhood. This is assuredly a counter-cultural assertion, but the role of husband and father is central to manhood.

Marriage is unparalleled in its effect on men, as it channels their energies and directs their responsibilities to the devoted covenant of marriage and the grace-filled civilization of the family. They must aspire to be the kind of man a Christian woman would gladly marry and children will trust, respect, and obey.

3. Economic maturity sufficient to hold an adult job and handle money.

Advertisers and marketers know where to aim their messages - directly at adolescent boys and young men. This particular segment of the population is inordinately attracted to material goods, popular entertainment, sporting events and other consumer options. The portrait of young manhood made popular in the media and presented as normal through entertainment is characterized by economic carelessness, self-centeredness and laziness.

A real man knows how to hold a job, handle money with responsibility and take care of the needs of his wife and family. A failure to develop economic maturity means that these young men often float from job to job, and take years to "find themselves" in terms of career and vocation.

Once again, an extended adolescence marks a huge segment of today's young male population. Slothfulness, laziness and economic carelessness are marks of immaturity. A real man knows how to earn, manage, and respect money. A Christian man understands the danger that comes from the love of money, and fulfills his responsibility as a Christian steward.

4. Physical maturity sufficient to work and protect a family.

Unless afflicted by injury or illness, a boy should develop the physical maturity that, by stature and strength, marks recognizable manhood. Of course, men come in many sizes and demonstrate different levels of physical strength, but common to all men is a maturity, through which a man demonstrates his masculinity by movement, confidence and strength.

A man must be ready to put his physical strength on the line to protect his wife and children and to fulfill his God-assigned tasks. A boy must be taught to channel his developing strength and emerging size into a self-consciousness of responsibility, recognizing that adult strength is to be combined with adult responsibility and true maturity.

5. Sexual maturity sufficient to marry and fulfill God's purposes.

Even as the society celebrates sex in every form and at every age, the true Christian man practices sexual integrity, avoiding pornography, fornication, all forms of sexual promiscuity and corruption. He understands the danger of lust, but rejoices in the sexual capacity and reproductive power God has put within him, committing himself to find a wife, and to earn her love, trust and admiration - and eventually to win her hand in marriage.

It's critical that men respect this incredible gift, and to protect this gift until, within the context of marriage, they are able to fulfill this gift, love their wives, and look to God's gift of children. Male sexuality separated from the context and integrity of marriage is an explosive and dangerous reality. The boy must understand, even as he travels through the road of puberty and an awakened sexuality, that he is accountable to God for this stewardship of this great gift.

6. Moral maturity sufficient to lead as an example of righteousness.

Stereotypical behavior on the part of young males is, in the main, marked by recklessness, irresponsibility and worse. As a boy grows into manhood, he must develop moral maturity as he aspires to righteousness, learning to think like a Christian, act like a Christian and show others how to do the same. The Christian man is to be an example to others, teaching by both precept and example.

Of course, this requires the exercise of responsible moral reasoning. True moral education begins with a clear understanding of moral standards, but must move to the higher level of moral reasoning by which a young man learns how biblical principles are translated into godly living and how the moral challenges of his day must be met with the truths revealed in God's inerrant and infallible word

7. Ethical maturity suffiecient to make responsible decisions.

To be a man is to make decisions. One of the most fundamental tasks of leadership is decision-making. The indecisiveness of so many contemporary males is evidence of a stunted manhood.

Of course, a man does not rush to a decision without thought, consideration or care, but a man does put himself on the line in making a decision — and making it stick. This requires an extension of moral responsibility into mature ethical decision-making that brings glory to God, is faithful to God's word and is open to moral scrutiny. A real man knows how to make a decision and live with its consequences — even if that means that he must later acknowledge that he has learned by making a bad decision, and then by making the appropriate correction.

8. Worldview maturity sufficient to understand what is really important.

An inversion of values marks our postmodern age, and the predicament of modern manhood is made all the more perplexing by the fact that many men lack the capacity of consistent worldview thinking. For the Christian, this is doubly tragic, for our Christian discipleship must be demonstrated in the development of a Christian mind.

The Christian man must understand how to interpret and evaluate issues across the spectrum of politics, economics, morality, entertainment, education and a seemingly endless list of other fields. The absence of consistent biblical worldview thinking is a key mark of spiritual immaturity.

A boy must learn how to translate Christian truth into genuine Christian thinking. He must learn how to defend biblical truth before his peers and in the public square, and he must acquire the ability to extend Christian thinking, based on biblical principles, to every arena of life.

9. Relational maturity sufficient to understand and respect others.

Psychologists now talk of "emotional intelligence," or EQ, as a major factor in personal development. While the world has given much attention to IQ, EQ is just as important. Individuals who lack the ability to relate to others are destined to fail at some of life's most significant challenges and will not fulfill some of their most important responsibilities and roles.

By nature, many boys are inwardly directed. While girls learn how to read emotional signals and connect, many boys lack the capacity to do so, and seemingly fail to understand the absence of these skills. While a man is to demonstrate emotional strength, constancy and steadfastness, he must be able to relate to his wife, his children, his peers, his colleagues and a host of others in a way that demonstrates respect, understanding and appropriate empathy. This will not be learned by playing video games and by entering into the privatized world experienced by many male adolescents.

10. Social maturity sufficient to make a contribution to society.

While the arena of the home is an essential and inescapable focus of a man's responsibility, he is also called out of the home into the workplace and the larger world as a witness, and as one who will make a contribution to the common good.

God has created human beings as social creatures, and even though our ultimate citizenship is in heaven, we must also fulfill our citizenship on earth. A boy must learn to fulfill a political responsibility as a citizen, and a moral responsibility as a member of a human community. The Christian man bears a civilizational responsibility, and boys must be taught to see themselves as shapers of the society even as the church is identified by our Lord as both salt and light.

Similarly, a Christian man must learn how to relate to unbelievers, both as witness and as fellow citizens of an earthly kingdom.

11. Verbal maturity sufficient to communicate and articulate as a man.

A man must be able to speak, to be understood and to communicate in a way that will honor God and convey God's truth to others. Beyond the context of conversation, a boy must learn how to speak before larger groups, overcoming the natural intimidation and fear that comes from looking at a crowd, opening one's mouth, and projecting words.

Though not all men will become public speakers, every man should have the ability to take his ground, frame his words, and make his case when truth is under fire and when belief and conviction must be translated into argument.

12. Character maturity sufficient to demonstrate courage under fire.

The literature of manhood is replete with stories of courage, bravery and audacity. At least, that's the way it used to be. Now, with manhood both minimalized and marginalized by cultural elites, ideological subversion and media confusion, we must recapture a commitment to courage that is translated into the real-life challenges faced by the Christian man.

At times, this quality of courage is demonstrated when a man risks his own life in defense of others, especially his wife and children, but also anyone who is in need of rescue. More often, this courage is demonstrated in taking a stand under hostile fire, refusing to succumb to the temptation of silence and standing as a model and example to others, who will then be encouraged to stand their own ground.

In these days, biblical manhood requires great courage. The prevailing ideologies and worldviews of this age are inherently hostile to Christian truth and are corrosive to Christian faithfulness.

It takes great courage for a boy to commit himself to sexual purity and for a man to devote himself unreservedly to his wife. It takes great courage to say no to what this culture insists are the rightful pleasures and delights of the flesh. It takes courage to serve as a godly husband and father, to raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. It takes courage to maintain personal integrity in a world that devalues the truth, disparages God's word, and promises self-fulfillment and happiness only through the assertion of undiluted personal autonomy.

A man's true confidence is rooted in the wells of courage, and courage is evidence of character. In the end, a man's character is revealed in the crucible of everyday challenges. For most men, life will also bring moments when extraordinary courage will be required, if he is to remain faithful and true.

13. Biblical maturity sufficient to lead at some level in the church.

A close look at many churches will reveal that a central problem is the lack of biblical maturity among the men of the congregation and a lack of biblical knowledge that leaves men ill equipped and completely unprepared to exercise spiritual leadership.

Boys must know their way around the biblical text, and feel at home in the study of God's Word. They must stand ready to take their place as leaders in the local church.

While God has appointed specific officers for his church — men who are specially gifted and publicly called — every man should fulfill some leadership responsibility within the life of the congregation. For some men, this may mean a less public role of leadership than is the case with others. In any event, a man should be able to teach someone, and to lead in someministry, translating his personal discipleship into the fulfillment of a godly call.

There is a role of leadership for every man in every church, whether that role is public or private, large or small, official or unofficial. A man should know how to pray before others, to present the Gospel, and to stand in the gap where a leadership need is apparent.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

How very different the God's standards for a man are from our culture's standards. I'm so blessed that the Lord has placed a godly man in my life that meets/is growing to meet all of these criteria and sees their value.

Poem Sunday - May 16th, '10

A post dedicated to Emily Dickinson. I've been reading through my book of her selected poems and really enjoying it:

Evening

The cricket sang,
And set the sun,
And workmen finished, one by one,
Their seam the day upon.

The low grass loaded with the dew,
The twilight stood as strangers do
With hat in hand, polite and new,
To stay as if, or go.

A vastness, as a neighbor, came,
A wisdom without face or name,
A peace, as hemispheres at home,
And so the night became.


Summer Shower


A drop fell on the apple tree,
Another on the roof;
A half a dozen kissed the eaves,
And made the gables laugh.

A few went out to help the brook,
That went to help the sea.
Myself conjectured, Were they pearls,
What necklaces could be!

The dust replaces in hoisted roads,
The birds jocoser sung;
The sunshine threw his hat away,
The orchards spangles hung.

The breezes brought dejected lutes,
And bathed them in the glee;
The East put out a single flag,
And signed the fete away.


The Wind's Visit


The wind tapped like a tired man,
And like a host, "Come in,"
I boldly answered; entered then
My residence within

A rapid, footless guest,
To offer whom a chair
Were as impossible as hand
A sofa to the air.

No bone had he to bind him,
His speech was like the push
Of numerous humming-birds at once
From a superior bush.

His countenance a billow,
His fingers, if he pass,
Let go a music, as of tunes
Blown tremulous in glass.

He visited, still flitting;
Then, like a timid man,
Again he tapped --'t was flurriedly--
And I became alone.

This is my letter to the world,
That never wrote to me,
The simple news that Nature told,
With tender majesty.

Her messenger is committed
To hands I cannot see;
For love of her, sweet countrymen,
Judge tenderly of me!

A Light Exist in Spring

A light exists in spring

Not present on the year

At any other period.

When March is scarcely here

A color stands abroad

On solitary hills

That science cannot overtake,

But human nature feels.

It waits upon the lawn;

It shows the furthest tree

Upon the furthest slope we know;

It almost speaks to me.

Then, as horizons step,

Or noons report away,

Without the formula of sound,

It passes, and we stay:

A quality of loss

Affecting our content,

As trade had suddenly encroached

Upon a sacrament.

Be Still, My Soul

We sang the hymn, Be Still, My Soul, this evening in church and I was once again reminded of how much I love it. I'll share it here with you:

"Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief and pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds will know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still my soul, thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when chance and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."

Be Still, My Soul, was written by Katharine von Schlegel (1697- c.1768) and translated into English by Jane L. Borthwick (1813-1897). The music was composed by Jean Sibelius, from his music 'Finlandia'. The scripture reference for this hymn is found in Psalm 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" (NKJV).

To give you a better taste of this hymn's beautiful tune, here's a YouTube clip of it being sung by Libera (Children's choir):

"The church is something beautiful" by Francis Shaeffer

“One cannot explain the explosive power of the early church apart from the fact that they practiced two things simultaneously: the orthodoxy of doctrine and orthodoxy of community in the midst of the visible church, a community which the world could see.

By the grace of God, therefore, the church must be known simultaneously for its purity of doctrine and the reality of its community. Our churches have so often been only preaching points with very little emphasis on community. But the exhibition of the love of God in practice is beautiful and must be there.

We have, then, two sets of parallel couplets: (1) the principle of the purity of the visible church, and yet the practice of observable love among all true Christians; and (2) the practice of orthodoxy of doctrine and observable orthodoxy of community in the visible church.

The heart of these sets of principles is to show forth the love of God and the holiness of God simultaneously. If we show either of these without the other, we exhibit not the character, but a caricature of God for the world to see.

If we stress the love of God without the holiness of God, it turns out only to be compromise. But if we stress the holiness of God without the love of God, we practice something that is hard and lacks beauty. And it is important to show forth beauty before a lost world and a lost generation.

All too often people have not been wrong in saying that the church is ugly. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, we are called upon to show a watching world and to our own young people that the church is something beautiful.

Several years ago I wrestled with the question of what was wrong with much of the church that stood for purity. I came to the conclusion that in the flesh we can stress purity without love or we can stress the love of God without purity, but that in the flesh we cannot stress both simultaneously.

In order to exhibit both simultaneously, we must look moment by moment to the work of Christ, to the work of the Holy Spirit. Spirituality begins to have real meaning in our moment-by-moment lives as we begin to exhibit simultaneously the holiness of God and the love of God.”

- Francis Schaeffer, "The Church Before the Watching World" in The Church at the End of the Twentieth Century in The Complete Works of Francis A. Schaeffer: A Christian Worldview, Volume Four, A Christian View of the Church (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 1982), 152.

20 Years

In only two and a half weeks, I'm turning 20 years old. That seems so unbelievable. My teen years have been some of the best of my life, and I have some amazing memories from the past twenty years of my life. As I pass into my third decade of life, here are 20 things I have done so far that come to mind:

Sang in a gospel choir. Built a house for a family of five. Ate a monkey. Graduated from high school. Became 1/4 of a nurse. Lived in Peru. Been so high in the Andes that there was no oxygen. Danced in front of thousands of people (and won gold more than once). Ate pasta in Rome and pain au chocolat in Paris. Fallen in love. Floated down the Amazon in a river boat. Had the Promised Land take my breathe away. Celebrated Easter in Mexico. Performed in a play. Explored the wild west coast islands. Became a sister. Learned to ride a horse. Raised thousands of dollars for Darfur. Been a camp counsellor for some beautiful young ladies. Received Christ as my Savior.

That's just one tiny glimpse of the things I have done. There's so much more! And such an incredible amount more to come. I am so excited. It's cliche... but life is a gift.

Easter Meditation

Charles Spurgeon wrote two centuries ago about the man who was forced by Roman soldiers to help a weak and bleeding Jesus to carry the cross (Mark 15:20-22). He was only enduring a momentary burden. Simon's experience is like the rest of us - thanks to Jesus, our burdens truly are only light and momentary afflictions. Have a blessed Easter weekend.

When Simon was forced to carry the cross for Christ, all he did was haul some wood. Christ carried infinitely more.

[Simon] carried only the wood of [the cross], he did not bear the sin that made it such a load. Christ did but transfer to Simon the outward frame, the mere tree. But the curse of the tree, which was our sin and its punishment, rested on Jesus’ shoulders still. Dear friend, if you think that you suffer all that a Christian can suffer, if all God’s billows roll over you, yet remember, there is not one drop of wrath in all your sea of sorrow. Jesus took the wrath. Jesus carried the sin.” — Charles Spurgeon

A Rather Blustery Day

I love days like today - blustery days. It has to be one of the best types of weather... I wouldn't call in windy.... I associate 'windy' with 'cold', but today isn't cold! It's warm... although the wind can make it seem cold.

I'm sitting inside writing a paper (the longest I've ever written, actually) with a cup of tea and the heater set to a tropical 80 degrees. I'm snug as a bug in a rug, you could say. And I'm watching the wind play in the trees outside, buffeting them to and fro, and making that delightful whooshing sounds that only a fierce wind in tree tops can make. Those long-awaited spring flowers who had finally dared to poke their delicate heads above ground are taking a beating. They just weren't cautious enough, I suppose. The birds had all started coming out from spring as well, flitting about the backyard and chattering madly... but not today. Today they are all huddled down together somewhere warm and sheltered, waiting for the winds coming up off the Pacific to pass.

But not me! It can stay as long as it likes, as far as I'm concerned. Somehow the fact that the weather outside is less than ideal, makes my being warm and comfy inside that much more enjoyable. And the wind astonishes me! Some of those gusts are worrisomely powerful. They come so suddenly, and I actually fear for the trees - they are bent so tremendously from side to side... it's amazing how they can endure such violence.

But did you know it makes them stronger? It does! The bending back and forth of the tree's trunk forces it to adapt and grow to be stronger the next time. It's even possible to see the stress lines in the rings of a tree... it's very fibers.

The same is true with human bones... I learned that last semester. The more exercise you get, or the more stress and pressure you exert on your bones, the more tough and durable the become!

Perhaps the same is true with believers. James 1 famously states: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trails, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

It makes me wonder... if trees could talk, would they tell us they are thankful for the wind?

In honor of this blustery day, I present you all with this YouTube clip. I will forever associate the word 'blustery' with my old friend Winnie The Pooh... enjoy!

Poem Sunday - Mar 28th '10

I remember having to read this poem in grade 11 English class... some things do stick with you past high school!

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which say to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Without the gospel everything is useless and vain

"Without the gospel everything is useless and vain; without the gospel we are not Christians; without the gospel all riches is poverty, all wisdom folly before God; strength is weakness, and all the justice of man is under the condemnation of God.

But by the knowledge of the gospel we are made children of God, brothers of Jesus Christ, fellow townsmen with the saints, citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven, heirs of God with Jesus Christ, by whom the poor are made rich, the weak strong, the fools wise, the sinner justified, the desolate comforted, the doubting sure, and slaves free. It is the power of God for the salvation of all those who believe."

- John Calvin, preface for Pierre Robert Olivetan's 1534 French translation of the New Testament.

It's so hard... but may we each remember what is truly important, and turn from fleshly desires. May we each grow in sanctification, away from what is useless and vain, away from relying on our own plans and wants and pitifully limited knowledge of what is true and good. May we desire, above anything else, to glorify the Lord in the way we live our lives.

A Strange Comparison

Today I had seven hours of Biology class - a lecture in the morning and a lab in the afternoon. In between these two classes, there's an hour break... for lunch. During this break I walked down the hill to a local coffee shop I love and got a bowl of soup.

Now, you have to understand how great a victory this was. This coffee shop is always out of soup by the time I get there, and yet somehow today when I arrived the sign read 'Wicked Thai soup' instead of the usual 'Sold Out' that I'm used to. I snatched up my cherished bowl, shielding it from the greedy eyes of the other patrons, and took it outside to enjoy in the sunshine.

I chose a bright table-for-two directly in a particularly large patch of sun, and thoughtfully munched my soup while people watching (a past time I've always enjoyed, and find quite fulfilling).

Picture this: There are three table on the patio. One is all on it's own, off the side... probably 20 feet from the others - that's where I was sitting. The other two are quite close (maybe 6 feet apart?) and it was at those two tables I saw a peculiar sight...

First, a tiny wisp of a girl slipped into a chair at one of the tables. As far as I could tell, she was wearing 3 t-shirts and 2 skirts layered on top of one another, and yet she still was so thin I could barely see her when she turned sideways. I was afraid that with a particularly strong gust of wind, she would just flutter away into the sky, her colorful skirts whirling around her weightless body into the distance. She pulled a salad out of her bag and started nibbling at it. Now, I'm being very generous using the term 'salad'. Is there was anything besides lettuce in that container, I didn't see it. Maybe a cherry tomato or two... maybe.

Second, a woman I can only describe as 'hefty' waddled into view. Not to be insensitive, but I'm fairly sure I could have used the shirt she was wearing (identifying her as an A & W employee) as a tent... for me and several other people. She carried with her the tell-tale McDonalds bag - Brown paper emblazoned with a golden 'M'. She plopped down in her chair (at the table next to the lettuce-eater) with a thud, the thin metal legs groaning worryingly under her weight. She pulled not one, but two burgers out of the paper bag, along with two super-sized fries and and extra-large pop. Then she lit up a smoke.

I sat and watched these two ladies from afar, and found their differences so striking. There they sat, right next to each other... completely unaware of the strange pair they made. A leaf-nibbler and a fried-food-guzzler. They seemed so unalike, but the more I thought about it, the more similar they seemed - One so healthy she was killing herself, the other so unhealthy she was doing the same.

I thought about it, I smiled, and then I finished my soup.

Poem Sunday - Mar 21st '10

So, yes, I know it's been a week since I last posted... I'm at a point with school where things are extremely stressful and busy. It will be for about another month, I guess. I'd appreciate your prayers as I'm finishing off this semester.... meaning that I'll be done first year nursing VERY soon!

I Remember, I Remember - Thomas Hood

I remember, I remember,

The house where I was born,

The little window where the sun

Came peeping in at morn;

He never came a wink too soon,

Nor brought too long a day,

But now, I often wish the night

Had borne my breath away!

I remember, I remember,

The roses, red and white,

The violets, and the lily-cups,

Those flowers made of light!

The lilacs where the robin built,

And where my brother set

The laburnum on his birthday, -

The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember,

Where I was used to swing,

And thought the air must rush as fresh

To swallows on the wing;

My spirit flew in feathers then,

That is so heavy now,

And summer pools could hardly cool

The fever on my brow!

I remember, I remember,

The fir trees dark and high;

I used to think their slender tops

Were close against the sky:

It was a childish ignorance,

But now 'tis little joy

To know I'm farther off from heaven

Than when I was a boy.

Light Shining Out of Darkness - William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way,

His wonders to perform;

He plants his footsteps in the sea,

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up his bright designs,

And words his sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy, and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust him for his grace;

Behind a frowning providence,

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Poem Sunday - Mar 14th '10

The Castaway - William Cowper

Obcurest night involved the sky,

The Atlantic billows roared,

When such a destined wretch as I,

Washed headlong from on board,

Of friends, of hope, of all bereft,

His floating home for ever left.

No braver chief could Albion boast

Than he with whom he went,

Nor ever ship left Albion's coast,

With warmer wishes sent.

He loved them both, but both in vain,

Nor him beheld, nor her again.

Not long beneath the whelming brine,

Expert to swim, he lay;

Nor soon he felt his strength decline,

Or courage die away;

But waged with death a lasting strife,

Supported by despair of life.

He shouted: nor his friends had failed

To check the vessel's course,

But so the furious blast prevailed,

That, pitiless perforce,

They left their outcast mate behind,

And scudded still before the wind.

Some succour yet they could afford;

And, such as storms allow,

The cask, the coop, the floated cord,

Delayed not to bestow.

But h (they knew) nor ship, nor shore,

Whate'er they gave, should visit more.

Nor, cruel as it seemed, could he

Their haste himself condemn,

Aware that flight, in such a sea,

Alone could rescue them;

Yet bitter felt it still to die

Deserted, and his friends so nigh.

He long survives, who lives an hour

In ocean, self-upheld;

And so long he, with unspent power,

His destiny repelled;

And ever, as the minutes flew,

Entreated help, or cried - Adieu!

At length, his transient respite past,

His comrades, who before

Had heard his voice in every blast,

Could catch the sound no more.

For then, by toil subdued, he drank

The stifling wave, and then he sank.

No poet wept him: but the page

Of narrative sincere,

That tells his name, his worth, his age,

Is wet with Anson's tear.

And tears by bards or heroes shed

Alike immortalize the dead.

I therefore purpose not, or dream,

Descanting on his fate,

To give the melancholy theme

A more enduring date:

But misery still delights to trace

Its semblance in another's case.

No voice divine the storm allayed,

No light propitious shone;

When, snatched from all effectual aid,

We perished, each alone:

But I beneath a rougher sea,

And whelmed in deeper gulfs than he.

Success is Counted Sweetest - Emily Dickinson

Success is counted sweetest

By those who ne'er succeed.

To comprehend a nectar

Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple Host

Who took the Flag today

Can tell the definition

So clear of Victory.

As he defeated - dying -

On whose forbidden ear

The distant strains of triumph

Burst agonized and clear!

From my Journal - March

"I have been thinking about existence lately. In fact, I have been so full of admiration for existence that I have hardly been able to enjoy it properly. As I was walking home from school this morning, I passed that row of big oaks by the playground and I thought of another morning, fall a year or two ago, when they were dropping their acorns thick as hail almost.

There was all sorts of thrashing in the leaves and there were acorns hitting the pavement so hard they'd fly past my head. All this in the dark, of course. I remember a slice of moon, no more than that. It was a very clear night, or morning, very still, and then there was such energy in the things transpiring among those tree, like a storm, like travail.

I stood there a little out of range, and I thought, It is all still new to me. I have lived my life on an island and a line of oak trees can still astonish me.

I feel sometimes as if I were a child who opens its eyes on the world once and sees amazing things it will never know any names for and then has to close its eyes again. I know this is all mere apparition compared to what awaits us, but it is only lovelier for that. There is a human beauty behind it.

And I can't believe that, when we have all been changed and put on incorruptibility, we will forget our fantastic condition of mortality and impermanence, the great bright dream of procreating and perishing that meant the world to us.

In eternity this world will be Troy, I believe, and all that has passed here will be the epic of the universe, the ballad they sing in the streets. Because I don't imagine any reality putting this one in the shade entirely, and I think piety forbids me to try. "

The new layout (again)

To my annoyance, last week the background on my site stopped working. When creating a background, I edit the HTML for sizing, spacing, etc (formatting junk) and then create an image in another program which I then upload to the net and link to in the HTML. Well, my link became invalid and try though I might, I couldn't get the darn thing to work for me. I'm no expert in this field.

Thus began the long and grueling job of creating another template to use. To decide, I thought of the verses in the Bible that have had an impact on my life. There are quite a few. But I've found that a constant source of strength and comfort to me has been the promise of the Lord's presence and faithfulness throughout life's up and downs, even when I mess up.... badly. With this in mind, I chose the verses from which to build a theme for this blog.

I was baptized when I was sixteen. I asked my youth pastor to do the deed, and I still cherish that role he played in my life. I remember standing nervously back stage with him, hearing the church announcements echoing back to us through the hallway to the baptismal tank. I hung up the towel I had been nervously clutching, and Ryan said, "Ready?"

"Ready."

I remember that the water in the tank was warm, warm enough that I didn't want to get out. I gingerly made my way down the tank stairs, the water lapping at my feet, then my knees, then my belly button. We wadded together from where we seemed so alone, around the corner to where a hundred eyes zeroed in on me. I was so nervous.

Ryan said his bit, I don't remember any of it (I was just focused on trying to control my shaking enough so that at very least the people in the back row wouldn't see it), but I'm sure it was very good. Eventually he nudged me, and I knew it was my turn. I took one step towards the microphone. I read the sign hanging just below it - "DO NOT TOUCH. YOU COULD BE ELECTROCUTED", and felt like giggling. I forgot what I was supposed to say or do... and then I looked down and saw a damp, smudged piece of paper in my hand. So I read from it.

"Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching His understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." - Isaiah 40:28-31

And then Ryan dunked me, and everything went completely silent. For a moment. And then I came up and the congregation erupted in applause. That was that. Seems like it was a long time ago.

At the time when I picked those verses from Isaiah to read, I had just come across them in my devotions and they were completely new to me. I felt as though I had discovered treasure, verses that applied specifically to me and spoke directly into my life. Now, almost 5 years later, I've realized that they are some of the most popular and referenced bible verses. For good reason, I suppose.

I've come back to Isaiah 40 again and again throughout the last few years. The metaphoric, poetic way it is written appeals to me. To mount up on wings like an eagle.... to run and never get tired.... that's powerful stuff, folks. It paints a beautiful picture in my mind. I've often needed strengthening, I've often needed to be reminded of God's ability to lift me up and lift me out.

Mostly, I've done my share of falling. Sometimes it's been more of a trip - I'll stumble, swing my arms wildly to regain balance, and manage (barely) to stay upright. Other times I've just tumbled face first to the ground. Violently, ungracefully, obviously. Recently I've recovered from the biggest fall of my life, it was a fall so terrible that it's left deep scars. But each time the Lord has been faithful and just to forgive me of those sins, those times when I have fallen away. And not only forgive, but uplift me - give me strength and courage to go on. It's humbling, I'm so filled with awe when I think about it. I'm so grateful. So, so grateful.

And so, because these verses have a constant influence and impact on my life, I've chosen to base my theme on them. I am fallen, falling is what I do best. But I wage war daily against my flesh, beating it into submission, and victory is becoming more and more common. I'm reminded of Paul's famous and oft quoted words in Romans 7:

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For i know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that evil is present in me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Who doesn't relate to that?! Every time I read it, my heart is pierced.

There you have it. This is the new layout. And that is why the layout is how it is. Hope you like it!

The Beautiful 'But'

The word 'but' is generally the worst kind of word. It has a very negative connotation, doesn't it? When we hear it, we know something bad is coming:

"You've been an excellent employee, but..."

"It was a great vacation, but..."

"He has nice eyes, but..."

You get the point, I'm sure. Well, as I've read and prayed my way through Romans in the last week, I've discovered an ever-growing appreciation for this word. The best example I can think of is Romans 3: 19-26. Take your time and think about what the word 'but' really means for us:

¹⁹ Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. ²⁰ Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.²¹ But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, ²²even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; ²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵ whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, ²⁶ to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Why is it ok for God to kill?

This week's "Ask Pastor John" piece from Desiring God is brilliant. This is often a question raised by atheists in their arguments against Christianity, and I think John Piper answers the reader question beautifully.

The Sacrifice of Silence

All too often in my life I have regretted things I've said. I've reacted too quickly, spoken too soon, and aimed to wound. And I've been around people that struggle all too much with this same issue. We all do.

That's why I really enjoyed the article on Boundless this week called The Sacrifice of Silence. It's written by Laurel Robinson and she talks about what sacrificing one's right for an immediate reply or defense can produce in terms of peace and godliness.

I didn't sacrifice anything for Lent this year, but this is something that I'm going to pray for myself about. With the season of life that I'm in, I'm often feeling the need to prove to some people who I am, or defend my actions and decisions. It's an endless source of anxiety and sadness for me. I'm praying that I will have the wisdom to know when to speak and when to hold my tongue, that I will ever quick to listen and slow to speak.

I'm praying this for you, too.

Here are some excerpts. Enjoy!

This Lent, a friend of mine committed to a practice I found fascinating: she vowed to refrain from rushing to explain and defend herself, even when she felt she might not be fully understood. This discipline was inspired by the well-known prayer attributed to St. Francis, which includes the line: "O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek ... to be understood as to understand."

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19)

Since Ash Wednesday, Marie has been attempting to submit herself to this discipline daily, particularly with Gary, her husband of three years. The results at home were almost instantaneous. The first time Gary said something that Marie felt was "snide" toward her, she remained silent. Normally, she might have retorted with a scornful remark or with an indignant "that was rude!" Then, the argument would have escalated, and the next two hours would have been robbed of joy, tainted by coolness toward one another.

After a few moments of her prayerful silence, Gary apologized for his statement. Marie was shocked. He had seldom apologized lately. He knew his words had been hurtful, and her silence gave him the chance to reconsider. Instead of the all-too-common bitterness, there was a relative calm, and the two were able to continue to enjoy one another's company.

James wrote to his fellow believers, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19)." Frankly, words spoken thoughtlessly do not bring about a righteous life, either. They only distract others or puff us up with pride or self-importance.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us that there is a proper time for every activity, including "a time to be silent and a time to speak." Surely there are times when it is brave, and prudent, and right to speak up: to defend an innocent person, or to speak the truth boldly to people who are deluded by a lie. However, I wonder how many times in a week the "speaking up" we do is for our own benefit and comfort

A long lost favorite

I recently took some time to sort through all the photos I have on my computer... dating back to as early as January, 2008.

To my delight, I discovered a photo of what was once my favorite painting in the entire world...

When I first started attending a church, I idolized my youth pastor, Ryan. He was the coolest person in the entire world. Without a doubt.

And he had the coolest office in the world, as well. It was a loft, up in the far corner of the church... far away from the hustle and bustle. I used to love sitting up there in an old beat-up rocker, chatting with him and throwing darts. It's where he kept his cool computer, his cool guitar, his cool library, and, at times, his cool girlfriend.

He had the above painting hanging in that office, and I always loved it. You can't tell from the awful, slightly-fuzzy photo I took, but it really was quite lovely... bold shades of blue and black, the paint shoveled on so thick that it stood out from the canvas, bumpy, alive.

Several years after my youth pastor left to pursue a career in carpentry, I was hired as an intern to work with the youth at the same church. I was given the option of what office I wanted, and I knew instantly that I wanted to excavate Ryan's old office from under the 2 years of cumulated church junk, rubble, and un-wanteds. It took me almost a week... but I was so pleased with the finished product.

There was only one thing missing: a painting. This church happened to have a large number of artists in attendance, and many of them stored their artwork in the building. I was handed the keys to several walk-in closets full of paintings to choose one for my work space.

I spent an entire glorious afternoon sitting cross-legged in closets and sorting through beautiful things.

And then I found it. That same old painting I had always adored. I happily carted it up and off to my little room, where it remained until the end of my internship.

So there you go, that's the story. And there's the painting.

Poem Sunday - Feb 21st '10

The Minuet - Mary Mapes Dodge

Grandma told me all about it,

Told me so I couldn't doubt it,

How she dances, my grandma danced; long ago -

How she held her pretty head,

How her dainty skirt she spread,

How she slowly leaned and rose - long ago.

Grandma's hair was bright and sunny,

Dimpled cheeks, too, oh, how funny!

Really quite a pretty girl - long ago.

Bless her! why, she wears a cap,

Grandma does, and takes a nap

Every single day: and yet

Grandma danced the minuet - long ago.

"Modern ways are quite alarming,"

Grandma says, "but boys were charming"

(Girls and boys she means, of course) "long ago."

Brave but modest, grandly shy;

She would like to have us try

Just to feel like those who met

In the graceful minuet - long ago

Not in Vain - Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain:

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

Hard Boiled

Next to the fabulous avocado, this is my perfect salad food. Not over done, very yellow-orange (the more orange the better) and oh-so-nice to have any time of day. If you ask me, a properly cooked egg is the true test of a cook. I'm still working on my frying technique but this even I can do!

My Perfect Hard Boiled Egg

6 eggs

1 pot

salt

cold water

Gently place eggs into the bottom of your pot and fill with cold water until eggs are covered with about an inch of water. Place on stove and bring to a soft rolling but not wild boil. (Too much jostling will crack your eggs.) Let it boil for 2-3 minutes then cover and remove from heat. Allow them to stand for 30 minutes undisturbed. Tip: Set a timer or you'll forget about them! Rinse with cool water and enjoy alone with a few pinches of salt, as the finishing touch to the perfect salad, or place them in the refrigerator for later eating.

Manliness

Today, as I sat in a very public and crowded place, I overheard a conversation between two twenty-something guys. One was tucking into a Subway sandwich, taking bites that were worryingly large, and obviously enjoying the experience, while the other sat with his head in his hands, looking as though his heart was broken... and, in fact, it was.

It was loud, and I was concentrating on homework, so I heard snippets of their conversation at best, but the overall theme was that the sad one was relaying the story of a recent (and still very painful) breakup, while the sandwich-eater was supposed to be providing some sort of comfort and/or therapy.

After what was, I assume, a particularly shocking part of the story, the teller paused (presumably for dramatic effect). His friend looked up from his meal, realized he was expected to say something, and said between munches, "I'm so sorry man. Here, eat this." Then he tossed a tiny and rather slimy looking green pepper slice half-heartedly across the table.

They both burst into uproarious laughter, the kind that is only borne forth by sheer hilarity. All was well.

I've thought since then about the difference between men and women. If it had been two girls sitting at that table, things would have been very different. The story would have lasted for hours. Every detail would have been told, and then scrutinized - poked, prodded, analyzed from every angle. There would also have been much more touching... several hugs, hand holdings, and shoulder pats would be expected.

I've been reading in the past few months about what biblical womanhood looks like. It's been a incredibly rewarding time of study of me, and I've grown in my understanding of my role as a Christian woman, and how the God-given traits that make men and women different, compliment and uplift one another.

I'm so saddened to see how those biblical gender roles have slipped away in recent years, and how we as a society are suffering as a result.

Which leads me to introduce a recently discovered website that is so cool that I almost (almost) wish I was a man so I could enjoy it more - The Art of Manliness.com, dedicated to "reviving the lost art of manliness". If you are a man, and wanting to become a better one (I joke), check it out!

Now, this site is not Christian, however I do believe it touches on part of what has been lost with the assimilation of women into male roles, and the assimilation of men into females ones. Men love to provide for, protect, and lead their families. But what happens when women reject those desires in favor of providing for, protecting, and leading themselves?

My favorite article so far is The Ultimate Straight Razor Shaving Guide. Now, that's a skill!

I'm hitting midterms, so free time is nearly non-existant, but I hope to write more about these issues soon!

Just as a note, this blog is now regularly viewed by 50-odd people! Thanks so much for your support and interest (especially the thought-provoking and complimentary emails). I appreciate you all so much :)