Poem Sunday - Mar 28th '10

I remember having to read this poem in grade 11 English class... some things do stick with you past high school!

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which say to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Without the gospel everything is useless and vain

"Without the gospel everything is useless and vain; without the gospel we are not Christians; without the gospel all riches is poverty, all wisdom folly before God; strength is weakness, and all the justice of man is under the condemnation of God.

But by the knowledge of the gospel we are made children of God, brothers of Jesus Christ, fellow townsmen with the saints, citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven, heirs of God with Jesus Christ, by whom the poor are made rich, the weak strong, the fools wise, the sinner justified, the desolate comforted, the doubting sure, and slaves free. It is the power of God for the salvation of all those who believe."

- John Calvin, preface for Pierre Robert Olivetan's 1534 French translation of the New Testament.

It's so hard... but may we each remember what is truly important, and turn from fleshly desires. May we each grow in sanctification, away from what is useless and vain, away from relying on our own plans and wants and pitifully limited knowledge of what is true and good. May we desire, above anything else, to glorify the Lord in the way we live our lives.

A Strange Comparison

Today I had seven hours of Biology class - a lecture in the morning and a lab in the afternoon. In between these two classes, there's an hour break... for lunch. During this break I walked down the hill to a local coffee shop I love and got a bowl of soup.

Now, you have to understand how great a victory this was. This coffee shop is always out of soup by the time I get there, and yet somehow today when I arrived the sign read 'Wicked Thai soup' instead of the usual 'Sold Out' that I'm used to. I snatched up my cherished bowl, shielding it from the greedy eyes of the other patrons, and took it outside to enjoy in the sunshine.

I chose a bright table-for-two directly in a particularly large patch of sun, and thoughtfully munched my soup while people watching (a past time I've always enjoyed, and find quite fulfilling).

Picture this: There are three table on the patio. One is all on it's own, off the side... probably 20 feet from the others - that's where I was sitting. The other two are quite close (maybe 6 feet apart?) and it was at those two tables I saw a peculiar sight...

First, a tiny wisp of a girl slipped into a chair at one of the tables. As far as I could tell, she was wearing 3 t-shirts and 2 skirts layered on top of one another, and yet she still was so thin I could barely see her when she turned sideways. I was afraid that with a particularly strong gust of wind, she would just flutter away into the sky, her colorful skirts whirling around her weightless body into the distance. She pulled a salad out of her bag and started nibbling at it. Now, I'm being very generous using the term 'salad'. Is there was anything besides lettuce in that container, I didn't see it. Maybe a cherry tomato or two... maybe.

Second, a woman I can only describe as 'hefty' waddled into view. Not to be insensitive, but I'm fairly sure I could have used the shirt she was wearing (identifying her as an A & W employee) as a tent... for me and several other people. She carried with her the tell-tale McDonalds bag - Brown paper emblazoned with a golden 'M'. She plopped down in her chair (at the table next to the lettuce-eater) with a thud, the thin metal legs groaning worryingly under her weight. She pulled not one, but two burgers out of the paper bag, along with two super-sized fries and and extra-large pop. Then she lit up a smoke.

I sat and watched these two ladies from afar, and found their differences so striking. There they sat, right next to each other... completely unaware of the strange pair they made. A leaf-nibbler and a fried-food-guzzler. They seemed so unalike, but the more I thought about it, the more similar they seemed - One so healthy she was killing herself, the other so unhealthy she was doing the same.

I thought about it, I smiled, and then I finished my soup.

Poem Sunday - Mar 21st '10

So, yes, I know it's been a week since I last posted... I'm at a point with school where things are extremely stressful and busy. It will be for about another month, I guess. I'd appreciate your prayers as I'm finishing off this semester.... meaning that I'll be done first year nursing VERY soon!

I Remember, I Remember - Thomas Hood

I remember, I remember,

The house where I was born,

The little window where the sun

Came peeping in at morn;

He never came a wink too soon,

Nor brought too long a day,

But now, I often wish the night

Had borne my breath away!

I remember, I remember,

The roses, red and white,

The violets, and the lily-cups,

Those flowers made of light!

The lilacs where the robin built,

And where my brother set

The laburnum on his birthday, -

The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember,

Where I was used to swing,

And thought the air must rush as fresh

To swallows on the wing;

My spirit flew in feathers then,

That is so heavy now,

And summer pools could hardly cool

The fever on my brow!

I remember, I remember,

The fir trees dark and high;

I used to think their slender tops

Were close against the sky:

It was a childish ignorance,

But now 'tis little joy

To know I'm farther off from heaven

Than when I was a boy.

Light Shining Out of Darkness - William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way,

His wonders to perform;

He plants his footsteps in the sea,

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up his bright designs,

And words his sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy, and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,

But trust him for his grace;

Behind a frowning providence,

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Poem Sunday - Mar 14th '10

The Castaway - William Cowper

Obcurest night involved the sky,

The Atlantic billows roared,

When such a destined wretch as I,

Washed headlong from on board,

Of friends, of hope, of all bereft,

His floating home for ever left.

No braver chief could Albion boast

Than he with whom he went,

Nor ever ship left Albion's coast,

With warmer wishes sent.

He loved them both, but both in vain,

Nor him beheld, nor her again.

Not long beneath the whelming brine,

Expert to swim, he lay;

Nor soon he felt his strength decline,

Or courage die away;

But waged with death a lasting strife,

Supported by despair of life.

He shouted: nor his friends had failed

To check the vessel's course,

But so the furious blast prevailed,

That, pitiless perforce,

They left their outcast mate behind,

And scudded still before the wind.

Some succour yet they could afford;

And, such as storms allow,

The cask, the coop, the floated cord,

Delayed not to bestow.

But h (they knew) nor ship, nor shore,

Whate'er they gave, should visit more.

Nor, cruel as it seemed, could he

Their haste himself condemn,

Aware that flight, in such a sea,

Alone could rescue them;

Yet bitter felt it still to die

Deserted, and his friends so nigh.

He long survives, who lives an hour

In ocean, self-upheld;

And so long he, with unspent power,

His destiny repelled;

And ever, as the minutes flew,

Entreated help, or cried - Adieu!

At length, his transient respite past,

His comrades, who before

Had heard his voice in every blast,

Could catch the sound no more.

For then, by toil subdued, he drank

The stifling wave, and then he sank.

No poet wept him: but the page

Of narrative sincere,

That tells his name, his worth, his age,

Is wet with Anson's tear.

And tears by bards or heroes shed

Alike immortalize the dead.

I therefore purpose not, or dream,

Descanting on his fate,

To give the melancholy theme

A more enduring date:

But misery still delights to trace

Its semblance in another's case.

No voice divine the storm allayed,

No light propitious shone;

When, snatched from all effectual aid,

We perished, each alone:

But I beneath a rougher sea,

And whelmed in deeper gulfs than he.

Success is Counted Sweetest - Emily Dickinson

Success is counted sweetest

By those who ne'er succeed.

To comprehend a nectar

Requires sorest need.

Not one of all the purple Host

Who took the Flag today

Can tell the definition

So clear of Victory.

As he defeated - dying -

On whose forbidden ear

The distant strains of triumph

Burst agonized and clear!

From my Journal - March

"I have been thinking about existence lately. In fact, I have been so full of admiration for existence that I have hardly been able to enjoy it properly. As I was walking home from school this morning, I passed that row of big oaks by the playground and I thought of another morning, fall a year or two ago, when they were dropping their acorns thick as hail almost.

There was all sorts of thrashing in the leaves and there were acorns hitting the pavement so hard they'd fly past my head. All this in the dark, of course. I remember a slice of moon, no more than that. It was a very clear night, or morning, very still, and then there was such energy in the things transpiring among those tree, like a storm, like travail.

I stood there a little out of range, and I thought, It is all still new to me. I have lived my life on an island and a line of oak trees can still astonish me.

I feel sometimes as if I were a child who opens its eyes on the world once and sees amazing things it will never know any names for and then has to close its eyes again. I know this is all mere apparition compared to what awaits us, but it is only lovelier for that. There is a human beauty behind it.

And I can't believe that, when we have all been changed and put on incorruptibility, we will forget our fantastic condition of mortality and impermanence, the great bright dream of procreating and perishing that meant the world to us.

In eternity this world will be Troy, I believe, and all that has passed here will be the epic of the universe, the ballad they sing in the streets. Because I don't imagine any reality putting this one in the shade entirely, and I think piety forbids me to try. "

The new layout (again)

To my annoyance, last week the background on my site stopped working. When creating a background, I edit the HTML for sizing, spacing, etc (formatting junk) and then create an image in another program which I then upload to the net and link to in the HTML. Well, my link became invalid and try though I might, I couldn't get the darn thing to work for me. I'm no expert in this field.

Thus began the long and grueling job of creating another template to use. To decide, I thought of the verses in the Bible that have had an impact on my life. There are quite a few. But I've found that a constant source of strength and comfort to me has been the promise of the Lord's presence and faithfulness throughout life's up and downs, even when I mess up.... badly. With this in mind, I chose the verses from which to build a theme for this blog.

I was baptized when I was sixteen. I asked my youth pastor to do the deed, and I still cherish that role he played in my life. I remember standing nervously back stage with him, hearing the church announcements echoing back to us through the hallway to the baptismal tank. I hung up the towel I had been nervously clutching, and Ryan said, "Ready?"

"Ready."

I remember that the water in the tank was warm, warm enough that I didn't want to get out. I gingerly made my way down the tank stairs, the water lapping at my feet, then my knees, then my belly button. We wadded together from where we seemed so alone, around the corner to where a hundred eyes zeroed in on me. I was so nervous.

Ryan said his bit, I don't remember any of it (I was just focused on trying to control my shaking enough so that at very least the people in the back row wouldn't see it), but I'm sure it was very good. Eventually he nudged me, and I knew it was my turn. I took one step towards the microphone. I read the sign hanging just below it - "DO NOT TOUCH. YOU COULD BE ELECTROCUTED", and felt like giggling. I forgot what I was supposed to say or do... and then I looked down and saw a damp, smudged piece of paper in my hand. So I read from it.

"Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? There is no searching His understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." - Isaiah 40:28-31

And then Ryan dunked me, and everything went completely silent. For a moment. And then I came up and the congregation erupted in applause. That was that. Seems like it was a long time ago.

At the time when I picked those verses from Isaiah to read, I had just come across them in my devotions and they were completely new to me. I felt as though I had discovered treasure, verses that applied specifically to me and spoke directly into my life. Now, almost 5 years later, I've realized that they are some of the most popular and referenced bible verses. For good reason, I suppose.

I've come back to Isaiah 40 again and again throughout the last few years. The metaphoric, poetic way it is written appeals to me. To mount up on wings like an eagle.... to run and never get tired.... that's powerful stuff, folks. It paints a beautiful picture in my mind. I've often needed strengthening, I've often needed to be reminded of God's ability to lift me up and lift me out.

Mostly, I've done my share of falling. Sometimes it's been more of a trip - I'll stumble, swing my arms wildly to regain balance, and manage (barely) to stay upright. Other times I've just tumbled face first to the ground. Violently, ungracefully, obviously. Recently I've recovered from the biggest fall of my life, it was a fall so terrible that it's left deep scars. But each time the Lord has been faithful and just to forgive me of those sins, those times when I have fallen away. And not only forgive, but uplift me - give me strength and courage to go on. It's humbling, I'm so filled with awe when I think about it. I'm so grateful. So, so grateful.

And so, because these verses have a constant influence and impact on my life, I've chosen to base my theme on them. I am fallen, falling is what I do best. But I wage war daily against my flesh, beating it into submission, and victory is becoming more and more common. I'm reminded of Paul's famous and oft quoted words in Romans 7:

"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For i know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that evil is present in me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Who doesn't relate to that?! Every time I read it, my heart is pierced.

There you have it. This is the new layout. And that is why the layout is how it is. Hope you like it!

The Beautiful 'But'

The word 'but' is generally the worst kind of word. It has a very negative connotation, doesn't it? When we hear it, we know something bad is coming:

"You've been an excellent employee, but..."

"It was a great vacation, but..."

"He has nice eyes, but..."

You get the point, I'm sure. Well, as I've read and prayed my way through Romans in the last week, I've discovered an ever-growing appreciation for this word. The best example I can think of is Romans 3: 19-26. Take your time and think about what the word 'but' really means for us:

¹⁹ Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. ²⁰ Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.²¹ But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, ²²even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; ²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵ whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, ²⁶ to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.